Triangulation
One of the most insidious tactics employed by narcissists in their manipulation and control of others is triangulation. This manipulation technique is designed to create tension, competition, and insecurity among individuals, often leaving victims feeling confused, isolated and powerless.
The dynamics
Triangulation occurs when a narcissist manipulates relationships by bringing a third party into the dynamic in order to create some form of conflict. This third party can be anyone – a friend, family member, ex-partner, colleague, or even an imaginary figure. The narcissist uses this triangulation to bolster their own ego, maintain control, and fuel their need for admiration. By introducing a third party into the mix, the narcissist:
Creates competition:
They pit individuals against each other, fostering a sense of competition for their attention, approval, or affection. This competition serves to inflate the narcissist’s sense of self-worth (they are desperately insecure) whilst diminishing that of their victims.
Invalidates feelings:
Narcissists often use triangulation to invalidate their victim’s feelings or perceptions. They may gaslight by denying the reality of the victim’s experiences or emotions, claiming that they are ‘over-reacting’ or imagining things.
Seeks validation:
Triangulation allows the narcissist to seek validation from multiple sources simultaneously. They may play the victim to one person whilst portraying themselves as the hero or saviour to another, manipulating each party to fulfil their own emotional needs.
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The impact
The effects of narcissistic triangulation can be profound and long-lasting, causing significant emotional and psychological harm to those involved. Victims will likely experience:
Emotional turmoil:
Victims of narcissistic triangulation often experience intense feelings of confusion, jealousy, and insecurity. They may question their own worth and value, constantly seeking validation and approval from the narcissist and others.
Isolation:
Triangulation can isolate victims from their support networks as the narcissist seeks to control whom they interact with and how they perceive others. This isolation can further reinforce the narcissist’s power and control over their victim.
Self-doubt:
Constant exposure to triangulation can erode the victim’s self-esteem and self-confidence, leading to pervasive feelings of inadequacy and self-doubt. They may become hyper-vigilant, second-guessing their own thoughts, feelings, and behaviours.
